Moonrise, Moonfall, and Moonfail

You may have guessed it. It may surprise you. It may confound and amaze you … I saw New Moon. This is my review. (Be warned: what little plot there is in this movie may be slightly spoiled by reading the contents of this blog post.)

Does it have a plot? Yes, of course it does. It has the same 10 minutes of plot looped for about 2 hours with random variations to the point where any audience members who are still conscious at the end of the movie (and not enthralled by Jacob’s unnaturally large pectorals) will get a little frustrated, and get the feeling that they could have experienced more or less the same story in about 30 minutes without loosing any information.

How was the acting? Well, good for the most part, but Bella’s complete lack of facial expression was a bit anti-climactic. If you pay attention to it, you can even see where the filmmakers tried to cover the lack of decent acting with music (which didn’t even fit the scene entirely well either). Having not seen the first movie and not having read any of the books, I was a little confused at first, but I quickly caught on to the relatively simple theme: girl meets boy, boy is sexy. Sadly, boy is also immortal and is bound by a sacred society not to mingle with normal folk, so boy leaves. Girl can’t live without boy, goes on crazy, self-destructive, adrenaline craving, danger fest, and almost kills herself multiple times, only to be saved by another boy, with whom she falls in love. This boy turns out to be basically the same as boy number 1, except he is sworn to kill boy number 1. Boy number 1 realizes he can’t live without girl, tries to kill himself, gets saved by girl, fights with boy number 2, and then proposes to girl. The end. Except not, because they have to fill all the rest of those books with something. Time to find some more 10 minute plots to start looping.

All of this aside, I give the movie and honorary “Good Movie” title. Why, you ask? Why, if it was so terribly designed and acted, was it so bad? Two words: Wilhelm. Scream. Yes ladies and gentlemen, that’s right. When Bella is watching the action movie with Jacob (aka Pectorals – Wolf – Pectorals) and the kid who looks at most half Bella’s age but is supposed to be the same age,  you can hear the Wilhelm scream. At first the shrill cry sounded absurdly out of place, and then I recognized it – the same sound effect that used to be my ring tone – was in New Moon. It’s even in Wikipedia’s List of media the employ the Wilhelm scream (I knew there was a reason I loved Wikipedia.)

However, I have a theory regarding this new addition to “The Twilight Saga.” At the beginning of the movie, Bella and Edward are watching Romeo and Juliet for an English class. The film pays particular attention to this scene, as Edward recited several lines of iambic pentameter from the play. Romeo and Juliet was a romantic comedy, showing the folly of these young lovers who end up killing themselves because they can’t seem to get the timing of their epic rendezvous right. Since something similar happens in the Twilight Saga, perhaps that’s what this is all about. The movie does seem, at first glance, like quite the comedy of errors. It doesn’t quite fit, but maybe it’s a start.

I don’t deny that the Twilight movies seem to be a way for Hollywood filmmakers and actors/actresses to capitalize on a story that lends itself the spoon-feeding of people easily swayed by romantic stereotypes and mythical creatures (however inaccurate those mythical creatures may be).

I have to say that what most disappointed me about the movie was when the friend I went with told me that the vampires cannot be killed with a hawthorn stake.

Note: I am too tired to proof-read this blog post, after having taken a physics exam, watched New Moon, watched Star Wars, edited video, and then written this entry. I apologize, and I recognize that there is no excuse for poor English.


2 thoughts on “Moonrise, Moonfall, and Moonfail

    • I had to say something! I couldn’t just see the movie ad then not put my opinion out there – it was too terrible.

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