Bacon Beans: A Manly Bowl of Beans for the Testosterone-Laden of Both Sexes

Now that's a delicious sight if ever I saw one. Just look at that beautiful bacon. Hungry yet? I am.

Are you tired of boring bean dishes? Do you wish you could make beans exciting? Well you can’t. But you can try by mixing them with BACON. You know how there’s always a bit of fat left over after cooking bacon? It just sits in the pan, and it always bothers me. It’s a waste of food, and worse: a waste of bacon. Today I decided that enough was enough: it was time to use that bacon fat. It was time to cook beans with it.

 

To make Manly Bacon Beans, you need beans (preferably re hydrated,) and no less than four strips of bacon. Use as much bacon as you like as long as you use at least four strips of it. Bacon is delicious. Don’t deprive yourself. You’ll also need some salt. Did I say this would be healthy? No. I said it would be delicious.

  1. Cook the bacon. It should be a bit chewy, not crispy: crispy bacon is an abomination. Once the bacon is cooking steadily, turn the heat down to medium. The secret to perfectly cooked bacon is taking it off the pan right before you think it’s ready. It will continue to cook a little after you take it off, and if you take it off even a 30 seconds too late, it’ll be crispy or worse: burnt.
  2. Once the bacon is out of the pan, immediately add the beans. Use as many beans as you like. This isn’t a science. You can add salt now or you can add salt later, but the beans are going to be boring if you don’t add salt eventually.
  3. Sauté the beans in the bacon fat on medium heat for a while. Try to brown them on the sides by spreading them out on the pan and letting them sit for a few minutes, and then stirring them around. This will make them a bit crunchy and wonderful. Feel free to eat a piece of bacon while you’re waiting.
  4. Put them in the container of your choice, tear the bacon into chunks with your bare hands, toss it in the beans, and enjoy.

While these bacon beans are delicious, they’re a little dry, which takes away from the flavor a bit. You might want to add some olive oil.

A side note about the title: If you’ve read my blog for a while, you probably know that I’m a feminist (if this surprises you, then you’ve been misinformed: Wikipedia Feminism.) So how can I justify calling these beans manly? It’s another discussion for another time, but 1) manly, in a feminist context, can simply refer to something that embodies traits characteristic of men. This doesn’t imply any inequality between men and women, or that being manly is better than being womanly, it just acknowledges that there are differences between men and women. These differences are fascinating and wonderful; they shouldn’t be swept under the rug because some misguided people decided to abuse them. 2) There is nothing “manly” about these beans, that’s just the voice with which I decided to write this post.

As far as the “testosterone-laden of both sexes” bit, we all – man or woman – have testosterone and estrogen in our bodies (excluding certain medical conditions.)

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